Anxiety Has No Home
Anxiety
I don’t remember how we met
What I am certain of though
Is it was not love at first sight
More like fright
At first encounter
I don’t remember how
or when you moved in
Though I can recall moments
Before we met
Years before we locked eyes
I remember four years old me
Playing with sand
As if
Grasping time with
Tiny hands
And begging
It to stand still
So I could play a little longer
There are moments
When I still experience life
With no care in the world
Emotions so freeing
That sometimes
when the anxiety rises
I crawl back into my four year old self
Anxiety
Is a forceful lover
Who chooses to bathe me in
A sadness so deep
It feels like a foreign home
Has been built in the pits of my stomach
So walking feels like gravity
Cussing me out
For getting up and dragging all that weight around
So my body juggles weight fluctuations
Like an inexperienced clown
Drags me down
Until I am gasping for air
Desperately searching for an escape
Walls closing in
Anxiety
When did you find my insecurities
And start making a home
In the holes of my speech
When did you discover my heart
And dig your nails into the rhythm of its beat
When did my song of joy
Drown into the misery of your
Loneliness
Anxiety
Who told you
Your sister depression
is welcome here too
How dare you build
The walls of your home
On the foundation of my dreams
How dare you snatch the joyful song
Out of my lungs
You keep going
Stopping at nothing
Leaving me with
No windows left
So my hope suffocates
No doors
I am in an escape room
No other choice but to sit
In your prison
Until my body gives in
As I
Leave meals half finished
Texts ignored
Phone calls watched like
The trailers of horror movies
My body learned from you
That’s it’s okay to lie about being sick
As long as it dispels human interaction
Affords me the pleasure of leaving the party a little earlier
Anxiety
When did it become okay
To say no to self
And hand myself over as a gift
Intended to make others happy
How did I learn
Unhappily bend my back
And exhaust my oxygen tank
For the smiles of others
Where did I learn this self-deprecating
Kinda love
How dare you
Invite your friends panic attacks
And ex lovers trauma
Into the bed of my memory banks
It stops
Right here
Pack your shit and leave
It stops right now
Just like how it started
I will no longer maintain silence
Tip toeing over egg shells
In my own home
You can’t even afford
the rent here
Leave
This temple will no longer
Be your home